I lost my temper the other day. That never happens. I just started screaming at the person who offended me and started throwing things around. I never felt so angry in my entire life. I know that seems really immature to have done at the moment, but it was the only way I could vent that anger and contempt I've been feeling towards certain things. And even if I could just complain about how I feel towards life right now, that would just probably make me angrier. It would just build and build--I need to forget this anger and let everything go. I need to deconstruct this. Destroy it.
I feel really bad about losing my temper because I know that anger is such a useless emotion. It doesn't do anything but make other people frustrated and stressed as well. I try as much as to forgive and forget because I know very well what it's like to be the vent of a lot of frustration. That was my father--I would say he had a lot of anger management issues, and that's probably why I'm very distanced from him. After college I felt so free because he was always in such a tempramental mood that I never realized how oppressive living under the same roof with him was.
And now that I've discovered how angry I can be, I'm a little scared. I don't want to become like my father. I mean and it's just these little things that happen to me that are starting to annoy me. Sometimes, whatever happens is my own fault and other times it's trivial things that other people do. Some things are now just starting to stick to my heart and mind that just eat away and make me so uncomfortable I just feel the need to vent. I've always wanted to be the "chill one", like my uncle. Going with the flow. Never losing my temper. Never hesitating to help out people.
I know what it's like to be on the recieving end of a very volatile temprament and I really don't want to subject others to the same thing. Why? I believe in karma, and I know the bad things I will do will go around and kick me twice as hard. I really can attest to that. It's just always been my philosophy to never hold a grudge against somebody or retaliate. I've always been the type to just turn the other cheek if someone slaps the side of my face (is that how it goes? I haven't read the Bible in years). I guess that I can be a pushover sometimes but no one has really ever taken advantage of that.
Well, I just hope my newfound temper isn't here to stay.